do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
