America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
