Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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