Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
