Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
