it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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