So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
