i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
