I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
