I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
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All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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