We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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