You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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