My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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