fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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