it was like his penis was on wheels.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
