walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
