my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
