is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
