remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
