yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
