NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
