She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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