we have pet lesbian snakes
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
