Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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