somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
