Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
