I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
