So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
