Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
