Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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