the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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