Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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