I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
