I want to stick my p in your. b.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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