I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
