sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
