no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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