it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize