look no pants
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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