i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
