forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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