All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
