Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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