well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dick very happy bro
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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