i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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