she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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