just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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