There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Green mimosas i think yes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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