Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
