I must be too annoying 4 u.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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