omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
