as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
