just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
