My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
