Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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