its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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