And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
