Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
