is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
