it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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