If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
