I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
