you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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