Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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