I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
