Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
