He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
