Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
